Thursday, June 16, 2011


This is gonna be quick because my friend I'm staying with is waiting downstairs for me, but I don't wanna tell anyone about it who will wanna talk about it because I'm still kind of in shock and I'm upset and I just don't want to think about it.

H is married.

I saw him 3 months ago and he says nothing about it, and then I see him today and he's waving around his wedding band. And then he said, "my wife" and it felt even worse than I'd imagined it would.


I feel nauseas.

And to make matters worse I had to discover it at the very beginning of our visit, so I was probably acting weird throughout. It just... felt awkward. Like we don't kniw what to say to each other anymore. We'd been becoming friends for so long and now... I don't know.

Sometimes he'd look up and it would be just one of his usual looks of admiration I've been grateful to get to know. I mean, from what he said-- about my talent, my intelligence, etc.-- I know he thinks well of me and the way he pushed me to move forward with my dream and stop making excuses tells me that he still cares about me.

I just miss when he could show it more... like he used to. When she was girlfriends and fiancee...

I guess part of me never thought it would happen. He always expressed how trapped he felt; he used his job as an example, but it didn't seem like much had been making him happy lately. (this was in March)

And then he didn't seem any different today-- if anything, less satisfied with his life, which I hate. He has so much potential; he coud do ANYTHING, so I feel like he should be going out and DOING anything/ everything that he wants to do.

I really care about him.

Maybe it's the end-of-the-year stress, but I feel like he's just been becoming increasingly unhappy and I wish I could do something-- and I feel like if he let me in just a bit further, then maybe I could.

But I can't at a disastance. I can send him the occasional email that could cheer him up for MAYBE an hour, but that's not enough. I owe him so much.

He helped me. Now, I want to help him.

Does this sound childish? Illogical? I'm not really thinking straight right now, so I'm sorry if you read this and now wish you hadn't.

Gosh, I feel numb; it's been a while.

Welcome back.


  1. One of my best and oldest male friends is unhappily married. I continue to be supportive of him, that's really all you can do. Just let him know you'll always be there.

  2. I'm sorry... And it's not childish or illogical, it's sweet. I hope things look up for you soon (: *hugs*

  3. Maybe he isn't really unhappy... maybe he's just saying that to make you feel better about the situation. Easing you into the fact that he's married now.

    As a married woman, all I can say is to just stay out. I mean, if I were having problems with my husband, I wouldn't want a random person coming between my marriage. Two consenting adults decided to get married, so they need to solve their problems on their own. I think it's **extremely sweet** you want to help, but it's not your place.

    Please don't think I'm being a bitch, because obviously I don't know the whole situation. But from what I've read, that's how I feel. Now if you personally KNOW the wife too (as in, good friends with her), then you might be able to give your two cents. But if you can honestly say that you have no idea who she is as a person... then yeah. You can't really say anything. I don't know. Marriage is a difficult thing.