So today was another success by my standards. 1050 cal. Not super low, but when I've continued eating this much for a few weeks in the past, I've felt really good.
In fact, I already felt better today. And my calves felt smaller-- which could easily simply be my imagination, but does it matter? Isn't the point to feel good?
I mean, I obviously want to get to my goals, and I think (I hope) that what I've been doing for the past 2 days is getting me on track to do just that, and I'm obviously looking forward to reaching them and seeing a better version of myself in the mirror and pictures, but everyday counts, and I think that the trick to getting to our goal weights and staying there is to realize that, to take satisfaction every day in the fact that that day went well, and feeling increasingly better about ourselves bit-by-bit and day-by-day as a result.
(Geez that was a long sentence.)
At least, that's what I think, what I imagine is the case, though I don't know because I'm not at my goal weight. I have been before. I've looked at the scale and saw 102 creep into 98, 98 drip down into 96, 95, 93.
I've lost this weight before and I've been beating myself up for not being able to do it again-- and especially for not remembering how I did it in the first place.
But this morning when I woke up and looked in the mirror and walked out of the house and got my picture taken NOT feeling disgusting, I knew that I'd been there before: that magical land of possibilities that you walk through as you're just getting started on a project or goal of any sort.
I mean, getting started isn't easy; newton's 1st law tells us that. Inertia: it's a fact of life. But WE'VE done it. Us, here, with our blogs. We've made plans or started diets and either stuck to them or not (in my case), and that does take effort. I know that when I screw up after doing so well I feel like a failure for not trying hard enough, and the truth is that I COULD try harder-- and I'm going to this time around, I will-- but, regardless, I DID give it a try, some kind of try.
And I think that's something. I think it's something big. Sure, continuing something is a bit more challenging than starting something, but we already know how to put effort into things. We've done it-- now we just have to put a bit more in or allocate it differently or whatever. Each day is just a day; just focus on making it through the one in front of you.
Crumb by crumb, and all that stuff.
I guess I feel like it's just time that we give ourselves a little pat on the back. I mean, I've been horrible to myself in the past, and really not great for the past couple of weeks. And that didn't help me. I understand that we're all different, and from reading your blogs and comments I see that we all have different motivators, different approaches, etc. but for me, I need to not feel like crap. Because if I'm worth nothing, why do I have to be beautiful? Why should I try? It seems like a waste of energy. And so I head for the kitchen...
Not this time. I just had 2 good days, and I know that isn't a lot but I'm desperate-- and I was desperate to get out of that cycle of eating-- so as ridiculous as it probably is, I'm going to give myself a pat on the back (and maybe buy myself a song on itunes...) because this is what I think I have to do in order to succeed this time. Only time will tell...
I hope all of you are well and doing well and feeling good because you're all AWESOME and you inspire me to continue writing and making good food choices and trying to be better. So thanks.
This one's for you! :)