happy

I love being here. These people really, truly feel like family.

They had a bbq yesterday and invited some extended family, and since my dad's away, I attended. It was wonderful. Everyone was so nice and welcoming and they all knew my mom since she's close with the mother.

The kids and I rode bikes. We rode all over the neighborhood-- up and down hills. My thighs hurt, but it was fun. I'd forgotten how much fun it is just to ride a bike. No destination.

Then there was vegan food. Couscous, some german potato salad. And corn. Corn is really wonderful isn't it? And watermelon. I've had more in the last two days than I had all last summer combined. I'm not sure why I didn't eat it more often...

Then the eldest daughter showed me how to make earrings. She's really very crafty. She reminds me of myself at that age. I love when she asks me for advice because I feel like I understand her, and thus am well equipped to help her.

I could live here forever and be happy. I really could.

At night we went and saw Super 8. It wasn't great, but it was cute. And Elle Fanning and the main boy were adorable!

And now all the kids are in school, so I'm sitting and typing and listening to music.

My old school is having its garduation in a few days, and I'm tempted to go. I wanna see if any of the speakers top my speech from last year.

And I kind of want to see H. Really badly, actually. Not to talk; just to see him. I don't know what good it would do if any...

Part of me wants to say I'm done with him and that place, but I'm not. Even if I don't see him, there are so many others there that I miss.

And I don't think I could NOT see him on a visit anyway. He's like a magnet. It really isn't fair.

Damn we had so many good times. Looking back, it's odd that we've come to this. But understandable. He was taken from the start (minus a dark month or two).

This all makes me feel so old.

I'm probably setting myself up for failure here, but I really wanna see him next year (in Novemeber or December, realistically) and shock him with my beauty. I know not what the result would be, or even what I'd want it to be. Maybe just a shock.

(Though throwing me up against the wall and... you know... would also be welcomed!)

Is that totally messed up?

In other news, I should now cross out smoking weed and smoking a cigar from that list thing I did last week, as I took part in both of those activities last Monday night. Remind me to tell you guys me weed story (it requires it's own separate post) because I think you may find it amusing. What I WILL say now is that when I choose to smoke again, I'll make sure to be with ONLY really good friends who know and accept my rather-frankness.

Yep.

Hope you all are doing well! I've noticed that many of you are losing like champs which is awesome! Keep it up, guys!!! :)

And welcome, my two lovely new followers!!!

P.S. I feel skinny-ish today for the first time in a month. And my stomach is pretty flat! Yay!!! Now, off to read...

-K