105.2

I've gotta keep this up! I'm going back to my home-state in a week and I wanna be firmly on track.

WE CAN DO THIS!

I'm having a hot-flash; those tend to make me a bit loopy.

:)

105.6

aaand it's that time of the month. so i should be at my heaviest, correct?

also, i WILL get caught up on all of your blogs! i really will!

106.2

honestly, i'm relieved. i expected it to be closer to 110. not that i'm happy with this number-- you know i'm not! i want to get down to 90 again, and be in the double-digits by my return to school (late august).

i can do that, right? 7 pounds in 3 months?

i see how a lot of you guys give yourselves rewards for reaching certain sub-goals, and i want to try that. i know that when i get to 90, i want to get full-bangs like zooey deschanel, but on the way? i'm not sure. i like clothes and books, and i started taking ballet, so i could use some dancewear, but i'm not sure how i want to space it out. maybe every 2.5 pounds?

it's kind of exciting!

so, to get you guys up to speed-ish, i just finished my first year of college/ uni, and it was awesome! i really like where i am and i'm excited to go back!

my family has moved, so i'm there/ here right now with them. it's kind of lonely because i'm so far from my friends and the place i consider my home still, but all of my relatives are here, so at least i have them.

my mom replaced our family car which, as stupid as it is, i'm really upset about. i learned how to drive in that car and drove to school every day in it-- i just loved that car. i loved the way it drove, i loved the familiarity... i get (overly) sentimental sometimes. i don't know...

that's all i can think of. hope you guys are doing well! i've gotta catch up on your blogs!

peace

hello again, my friends

Tomorrow, I weight myself. I'm scared.

I am SO sorryI

I have been a truly horrid blogger. I really have.

my explanation: the shit has kind of hit the fan for me. some familiy trouble followed my my mother's lovely announcement that they are moving. and far from where I attend uni. thanks.

I know this is what's best so I'm trying to support it, but it's hard. it's hard to watch my family fall apart again. it's hard to realize that I won't be able to go home again. not really, at least.

it's a time of change and I dont' do well with change.

and I feel like I've gained... simply from all the stress. and I want to do well... REALLY well for all of you.

and today I rediscovered Julia Frakes and so maybe...maybe this time...

I will start posting again. I think I am ready.

-K

interesting...

RESULTS - GUIDELINE ONLY

Maintenance:  1623 Calories/day Fat Loss:  1299 Calories/day Extreme Fat Loss:  974 Calories/day 7 day calorie cycle (zig-zag)   Ex Fat Loss Fat Loss Maintain Monday 974 1299 1624 Tuesday 824 1039 1299 Wednesday 1169 1559 1948 Thursday 974 1299 1624 Friday 877 1169 1461 Saturday 1072 1429 1786 Sunday 974 1299 1624

Insomnia: The Musical

I'm experiencing severe sinkmate envy right now. She's skyping with her mom and talking about how she's too skinny. She said that that she liked that she's toned (I NEED to find out what kind of exercises she does...) but she wishes that she has bigger hips.

Really? REALLY?

She said that she's "shaped like a boy." I'd kill for that. Maybe.

I mean, I get that beauty's in the eye of the beholder, the grass is always greener on the other side, etc. but how can being too skinny (if one is not starving and in danger) possibly be a bad thing??? She isn't dangerously skinny...

Now she's talking about how she wants to get a job FOR FUN.

Dude, I frickin' NEED a job because we attend a pretty darn expensive university. It's an investment, and I have faith that, in the future, having the school's name associated with mine will be worth it, but for the time being it's difficult. And I feel guilty for burdening my parents in this way, but I got in and it's not like it ISN'T affordable, just stressful, you know? And I got in! It was exciting; they wanted me to go.

Now she's talking about yoga. I guess that's her secret.

Oh! And some sort of dance. And zumba. (What is that?)

And rock climbing. Shit. How does she do so much? I feel overwhelmed just taking swing dance and tae kwon do, schedule-wise.

And physically. Who am I kidding? I'm tired ALL THE TIME. This afternoon I fell asleep at 5-someting. Took a nice nap. That's probably why I can't seem to sleep now...

Anyhow, I suppose I'm back. I'm not 101. I've been doing pretty well (1000-1100 cal) but my body seems intent on staying in the 102- 103 range.

F*ck me.

A few days ago, though, I'd eaten too much. I felt guilty. A few weeks ago, I had stomach flu and I was in so much pain that I made myself throw up just to make it stop. It was easy; my body wanted it, it just needed that extra push.

Anyhow, I thought of that on that night, and I wanted to see if I could do it again.

And I did! It was magical. I'd tried so many times before and failed; finally, I'd gotten it right! I loved feeling the calories tumble out of me... like a time machine. Going back and undoing the damage.

It was really gross, though. And I haven't done it sense (I haven't had to), and I will try to avoid it because I know it's dangerous and I know people get addicted to it, but it's nice to have in my back pocket, just in case.

I hope you all are well! I need to catch up on your blogs again. My spring break is coming, so that will be a good chance for that...

Also, welcome, new followers! You guys are awesome.

Peace.