- having dinner out together (just us) at 3:30 pm
- him inviting me to come exploring with one of his friends and him
- drinking and watching a movie (again, just us) until 4 am
I just can't tell if he just likes me as a person or as more. Either is extremely flattering, but I, of course, hope it's the latter.
But I'm afraid because people are starting to slowly trickle back into town (and into the house) and it won't be as easy to spend time alone anymore. Like, now it just happens. We'll make plans and it will just be us... and I'm not sure whether that's intentional on his end or whether it's due to the fact that there aren't too too many other people around.
I guess I'm afraid of the truth. Or what I fear will be the truth, which is that he sees me just as a friend.
And I fear that people will come back and he'll feel content to just hang out with me sometimes with other friends. And don't get me wrong; that's fun too. But I really do value our time alone, when we just get to talk. When we're just talking easily it's so... NICE, and we just seem to click (which I'm sure I've already said at some point).
My friend D thinks I should just tell him how I feel or ask him out or something. But that's so forward for me; even when I'm piss drunk I feel too self-conscious to get the words out.
So how the hell did I do it 2 years ago? How did I loosen up enough that one night to show him I was interested? I can tell you it wasn't quantity... I think I'm just terrified now. Maybe because I saw what happened last time (the awkwardness) or because I remember how painful it is to feel rejected. I shouldn't necessarily continue to let that stop me; I think that's what has been stopping me thus far.
I need help. Please.
I think we're going to drink tomorrow (I'm not sure if alone or with other people) and maybe hang out a little bit tomorrow during the day (?). Should I do something or say something? (Not a grand gesture or anything... just a small signal or something?) Or should I just wait it out and see how it goes?
I hate making decisions. I wish I had someone who'd just make them all for me. Maybe.