Insomnia: The Musical

I'm experiencing severe sinkmate envy right now. She's skyping with her mom and talking about how she's too skinny. She said that that she liked that she's toned (I NEED to find out what kind of exercises she does...) but she wishes that she has bigger hips.

Really? REALLY?

She said that she's "shaped like a boy." I'd kill for that. Maybe.

I mean, I get that beauty's in the eye of the beholder, the grass is always greener on the other side, etc. but how can being too skinny (if one is not starving and in danger) possibly be a bad thing??? She isn't dangerously skinny...

Now she's talking about how she wants to get a job FOR FUN.

Dude, I frickin' NEED a job because we attend a pretty darn expensive university. It's an investment, and I have faith that, in the future, having the school's name associated with mine will be worth it, but for the time being it's difficult. And I feel guilty for burdening my parents in this way, but I got in and it's not like it ISN'T affordable, just stressful, you know? And I got in! It was exciting; they wanted me to go.

Now she's talking about yoga. I guess that's her secret.

Oh! And some sort of dance. And zumba. (What is that?)

And rock climbing. Shit. How does she do so much? I feel overwhelmed just taking swing dance and tae kwon do, schedule-wise.

And physically. Who am I kidding? I'm tired ALL THE TIME. This afternoon I fell asleep at 5-someting. Took a nice nap. That's probably why I can't seem to sleep now...

Anyhow, I suppose I'm back. I'm not 101. I've been doing pretty well (1000-1100 cal) but my body seems intent on staying in the 102- 103 range.

F*ck me.

A few days ago, though, I'd eaten too much. I felt guilty. A few weeks ago, I had stomach flu and I was in so much pain that I made myself throw up just to make it stop. It was easy; my body wanted it, it just needed that extra push.

Anyhow, I thought of that on that night, and I wanted to see if I could do it again.

And I did! It was magical. I'd tried so many times before and failed; finally, I'd gotten it right! I loved feeling the calories tumble out of me... like a time machine. Going back and undoing the damage.

It was really gross, though. And I haven't done it sense (I haven't had to), and I will try to avoid it because I know it's dangerous and I know people get addicted to it, but it's nice to have in my back pocket, just in case.

I hope you all are well! I need to catch up on your blogs again. My spring break is coming, so that will be a good chance for that...

Also, welcome, new followers! You guys are awesome.

Peace.