Have I ever mentioned how much I don't understand guys?

First off, I'm seriously the worst. But this weekend I WILL get caught up on blogs! (I will.)

Also, I've been eating 1200-1500 cal a day for the past week, and I don't feel any less tired. If anything, I feel more tired. Like wtf? Does my body just not work?

I really don't understand.

Speaking of things I don't understand: guys.

Let's start with S: So, he's supposed to be coming to "my" Russian section 3 times a week (he has conflicts the other 2 days) and I'm supposed to go to "his" once a week (because I have a conflict during "mine"), meaning that we're supposed to be in class together 4 times a week. This week, that has not been the case.

On Monday, when he didn't come I figured he woke up late and had to go to the later one. Then I saw him on Tuesday since we both have to go to the later one due to scheduling conflicts, and things were relatively normal. (Or, at least, more than they've been so far this semester; so far, it seems like things are strained or confusing...like either he doesn't like me anymore or is trying to not like me or is confused...it's just been weird.) So, I was really happy about that and figured things would start getting back on track. PLUS I found out that he didn't rush so I no longer have to fear about him having no time or doing stupid shit or meeting some sorority girl at a mixer. It was a really great day.

But then he didn't show up on Wednesday. And so I started to get kind of...not happy about the whole thing. After all, I feel like either a) he's avoiding me or b) I'm not enough anymore to get him to come to an hour-earlier class (even though I'm pretty sure he said he has class before Russian some days). So I thought, hey, maybe when I see him tomorrow I'll make some joke about him abandoning us or some shit...which honestly would have been the dumbest thing ever. So I'm kind of glad that he didn't come to class AGAIN today...except that I'm not. At all.

And I hate how much this is bothering me. I mean, we never made any plans or anything, but it seemed like we were getting somewhere, and then all of the sudden we were behind the starting line. Like, what happened??? I don't understand. And I still really like him but I also miss us being kind of friends.

How do I fix this? CAN I even fix this?

On a slightly happier note: N. I realized that I still really really like him. The first time I saw him this semester, things seemed a little bit weird but I think it was just me feeling weird and therefore making things weird or imagining that they were weird (I'm never sure which is the case). But the next two times I've seen him have been almost completely normal. And one of the times he even asked me to be his emergency contact for this thing...like that's kind of a deal. Not a big deal, but a deal. And his really good guy friend was right there so he could have easily asked him, but he asked me instead.

That can't possibly be a bad thing, can it?

Anyhow, we're having a party tomorrow night and he's gonne be there. The last few times I've seen him at social things I've been pretty drunk, so my goal is to be lightly drunk (I'm thinking 3 max) so that I don't act stupid (or text any other guys) or forget things, etc.

But I'm pretty excited for it...though the S thing is REALLY bringing me down. And if he doesn't show up tomorrow, it's gonna suck. (I feel like the instructors totally figured this out too...blerg. At least maybe they'll feel bad for me and forgive my royal-suckage this week?)

I guess that's been my week. A bit of a mixed bag.

And now I have to go study for Russian.

I hope you're all doing well. :)