Insomnia: The Musical

I'm experiencing severe sinkmate envy right now. She's skyping with her mom and talking about how she's too skinny. She said that that she liked that she's toned (I NEED to find out what kind of exercises she does...) but she wishes that she has bigger hips.

Really? REALLY?

She said that she's "shaped like a boy." I'd kill for that. Maybe.

I mean, I get that beauty's in the eye of the beholder, the grass is always greener on the other side, etc. but how can being too skinny (if one is not starving and in danger) possibly be a bad thing??? She isn't dangerously skinny...

Now she's talking about how she wants to get a job FOR FUN.

Dude, I frickin' NEED a job because we attend a pretty darn expensive university. It's an investment, and I have faith that, in the future, having the school's name associated with mine will be worth it, but for the time being it's difficult. And I feel guilty for burdening my parents in this way, but I got in and it's not like it ISN'T affordable, just stressful, you know? And I got in! It was exciting; they wanted me to go.

Now she's talking about yoga. I guess that's her secret.

Oh! And some sort of dance. And zumba. (What is that?)

And rock climbing. Shit. How does she do so much? I feel overwhelmed just taking swing dance and tae kwon do, schedule-wise.

And physically. Who am I kidding? I'm tired ALL THE TIME. This afternoon I fell asleep at 5-someting. Took a nice nap. That's probably why I can't seem to sleep now...

Anyhow, I suppose I'm back. I'm not 101. I've been doing pretty well (1000-1100 cal) but my body seems intent on staying in the 102- 103 range.

F*ck me.

A few days ago, though, I'd eaten too much. I felt guilty. A few weeks ago, I had stomach flu and I was in so much pain that I made myself throw up just to make it stop. It was easy; my body wanted it, it just needed that extra push.

Anyhow, I thought of that on that night, and I wanted to see if I could do it again.

And I did! It was magical. I'd tried so many times before and failed; finally, I'd gotten it right! I loved feeling the calories tumble out of me... like a time machine. Going back and undoing the damage.

It was really gross, though. And I haven't done it sense (I haven't had to), and I will try to avoid it because I know it's dangerous and I know people get addicted to it, but it's nice to have in my back pocket, just in case.

I hope you all are well! I need to catch up on your blogs again. My spring break is coming, so that will be a good chance for that...

Also, welcome, new followers! You guys are awesome.

Peace.

On pilates

It seems I'll be heading back to school sooner than expected. We're in the process of selling our house and it's really stressful... and my mom basically just told me to save myself.

Hahaha. It's funny in a slightly pathetic way...

So, yeah. I may be going back tomorrow or Thursday morning. It feels weird. It's too soon...

Anyhow, the reason for my post:

When I go back to school, I'd like to start doing pilates. I read about all you guys doing it and I feel left out :-P

BUT I'd like some advice: where do I start? What kind should I do?

Anyone have any internet links?

Thank youuu! <3

103.4

... which I don't think is bad at all, all things considered. It's just that I have to go to a dinner party tonight, and I'll be seeing an old friend with whom I'm EXTREMELY competitive and I hoped to look stunning. But, alas, my digestive woes have taken their toll on both my stomach AND my skin. (Seriously, I look like crap... and my skin feels dry and gross so I FEEL like crap as well.)

whqtahelkjfhajik

BUT I'm drinking some hot tea right now, so I'm hoping it will help me out AND I've made a few resolves:

1. No more dried fruit until my digestive system is working properly. (Shouldn't be impossible since I finished most of the open bags yesterday... :-/ )
2. Finish the book I started over break- Tammy Wynette: Tragic Country Queen. I really love it so far, but I've been spending all my GD time on the computer, etc. (This will make me feel much less like a failure upon my return to school.)
3. In addition to my prune juice, drink hot tea every morning.
4. Continue my morning sit-ups and stretch every night before bed.

What do you think?

103.0

Thank goodness! Really.

For a split second, the scale said 103.4 and I swear I was about to have a meltdown, and then it went down to 103.2... and then 103.0.

I would have preferred 98, but this is something! (And hopefully NOT a fluke!)

Also, my stomach already has a line down the middle and dimples on the sides from the sit-ups I did! I used to absolutely detest how easily I can gain muscle because I always gained in my thighs and they started taking over the world... but I like gaining it in my stomach!

I feel like a superhero whose powers are finally being used for GOOD and not evil...

Ok, bad simile. I'm going to stop talking now. More Miranda Kerr thinspo:

*immense envy*

Alright! Here's hoping for the 102s by tomorrow!

Also... HOORAH for followers in the double-digits!!! Shucks, you guys! :)

P.S. My mom just came in and advised me to eat light since one of my brothers is sick. Well, you know what, Mom? I will do just that! ;)

103.4

Again. ksjfbnkjwrg

I'll blame it on all the dried fruit and my crap digestive system. And my moronic ways.

and the lovely Miranda Kerr:

She has an incredible body! She really does.

So today is my first day of my 1200 plan, when I will actually consume 1200 calories. Or less. Less is always good... but not TOO much less or my metabolism will slow down.

What am I saying??? Less? I think I'm getting ahead of myself because, you see, I haven't even whittled my calories down to 1200 yet!

But I WILL. Today. It's happening.

Also, today I'm going to start working my abs consistently. No more random sit-up sessions. No! Every. Single. Day. I'm going to wake up, put in my contacts, etc., and then do as many as I can (around 20-something, the last time I checked. Yes, I am a weakling) before weighing myself. Then, later in the days I will join my mom in this strange exercise she does for her obliques, involving a large ball...

It's happening. In fact, I'm off to do some sit-ups right now...