102.8, 10.3 % fat

I must not go back to 103. I must not go back to 103...

Never again.

Why, hello, Miranda! Fancy seeing you today. (I'm REALLY tired. Can you tell?)

So, yesterday I had a dessert day: 250 cal of real food, 800 cal of vegan chocolates. LOL. It was pretty awesome AND I stayed wthin my happy 1000 (or below!) to 1100 range.

Huzzah!

I'm gonna go before I make even more of an arse of myself ;)

Have a WONDERFUL day, everyone!!!

-K

PS. I'm going to get caught up on your blogs! It's gonna happen!

103.6 lbs, 10.8% fat (again)

Happy Valentine's Day! I guess after years of abuse my body has finally decided to rebel.

C'est la vie.

So I was leaving my room to go shower when I discovered a Mr. Goodbar chilling out atop my dry-erase board. I chucked it down the hallway; my dormmates must think I'm insane!

PS. If you don't have a special someone, I'll be your Valentine! My mom is mine, so... yeah. ;)

103.6 lbs, 10.8% fat

That fat just ain't budging.

Other than that, thank goodness I'm back in the 103s!!! I've been eating waaay too much (1300-1500 cal) and a lot of it is ver fiberous.... why am I so damn self-destructive?

But yesterday I had a net of 1050 and I am DETERMINED to get back on track... especially because I shall have an interview next week and I need to look my very best!

So I've been going through your blogs to get all caught up... there's something immensely sad about finding out that someone left the blogging world. A few people did, actually, while I was gone. I mean, it's good if they leave to go into recovery. That right there is bravery. But I feel like all too often it means descending deeper into the rabbit hole.

Intentional or not.

What I'm getting at is that we, for better or worse, are each other's support systems for this shared facit of our lives. I discovered blogging two years ago but it feels like its been much longer because I can't imagine, at this point, leaving this world behind. For me, that would mean suffering in silence, and that's something that no one should have to do.

-K

104 lbs, 10.8% fat

so by my calculaions I'm holding onto an extra 10 pounds that aren't really necessary...

fascinating.

anyhow, this is pretty sub-par and tomorrow I MUST be back into the 103s or I'm going to have a meltdown. Seriously.

 was thinking about when I left for college... I was 96 pounds then! And a whole lot of that was muscle. I NEED to get back to that. I can't be one of those freshman 15 stereotypes.

so I'm going to get back to that. By April. By the Yule Ball. (Yes, Harry Potter fans. The YULE-frickin'-BALL!!! <3) There will be dresses and cameras and therefore I need to look fabulous. Amazing.

And what if D is there? Perhaps I can win him once and for all!

(I saw him, by the way. Very briefly, but it was nice. And he smelled really good)  ;)

P.S I WILL catch up on all of your blogs! I'm sensing a free afternoon today... :)

P.P.S please remind me to NEVER eat dried fruit ever again. It tastes good, but it reeks so much havoc; it simply isn't worth it.

Day 2: tofu!

I had A LOT of tofu today. It was awesome! :)

Intake- 1300 (not so awesome... but whatever, I guess...)
(-) Burned- 300
Net- 1000


Which isn't too shabby...

^^^ I've been watching Gossip Girl lately ;)

So, I'm almost definitely going back on Thursday. I'm actually feeling better about it; my classes don't start until Monday, but I like being early and having time to settle in. Maybe I'll even see D...

Hopefully not right away, though. I miss him, but I don't want him to see me like this: bloated with breakouts. I want to see him when I'm TINY... though if I leave it up to him to schedule time for me, it could be weeks!

Sigh.

How were/ are your days? Good?

105

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I don't understand!!! According to the numbers, I should have lost almost 2 lbs by now... meaning I should be in the 101s or 100s at MOST.

These extra pounds BETTER be due to my digestive issues... and come of immediately upon my return to campus.

^^^ I love MK. She's small like me, so her look may be actually attainable...

Lily Cole <3 (Fun fact: I always wished I were a redhead)

ALK <3 (Another fact: I'm currently obsessed with bangs. Big, blunt bangs. There's some alliteration for ya...)

Kaya Scodelario <3 <3 <3 (Yet another fun fact: I love Skins and I'm angry that my country has come up with some crap version of it...)

In other news, I had to change my current weight on my stats to 104, as it's been over 3 days since I've been 103. It nearly killed me...

GOOD LUCK, you guys! I need to live vicariously through you... :)

P.S. A new (old) rule: I'm not going to eat after 6 pm. Ever. Again. Hopefully, this will help with my digestion somewhat...

Day 1: Black Swan

Holy crap. What a film! So beautiful, so intense.

Wow.

And such thinspiration!

Gah. I can't form a coherent thought. Maybe in a couple of days...

(P.S. Pictures to come!)

Um... alright. Anyway...

Intake- 1250
(-) Burned- 300 (woohoo!)
Net- 950


Which is perfectly acceptable. ;)

Now, I just need to keep this up until Saturday... I'm supposed to go back to school weighing 98!!! (Not that it's a likely number at this juncture...)

I hope you're all having a splendid day!!! :)

104.2

Ok. So the last two days were fails (two words: vegan cupcakes), but there is very little temptation left in the house, so I should be fine.

^^^ I'm slightly obsessed with Gemma Ward

I'm planning on leaving on Saturday, so I just have to get through til then.

1200 cal. 1200 cal. Plus exercise...

I hope you're all well! I'm off to see Black Swan and then I'll catch up on all of your lovely blogs! :)

Days 0 and too much weight

For the past two days, I've had nets of 1500 and 1175 and weights of 104.2 and 105.2 respectively.

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FAIL, FAIL, FAIL.

104.2

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Kill me. Just kill me.

Rules:

1. 1200 calories a day

2. sit-ups in the morning

3. stretching at night

4. push-ups MWFSat

5. exercise bike EVRY SINGLE DAY

6. tea and prune juice in the morning

Otherwise, a day does not count as a "Day."

If I can do this every day until I go back to school, I will be immensely proud of myself!

98, HERE I FRICKIN' COME!!!

Day 0: the downside of dinner parties

... is that you have to eat as to not offend the person who made the food. And the fewer the attendees, the more you have to eat.

There were 4 of us, and she made just about everything vegan just for ME. So sweet, but ugh!

Intake- 1500 (FAIL.)
(-) Burned- 400
Net- 1100 (FAIL.)


So, yeah. I failed. And you know what? Later today I have an obligatory lunch.

I hate this! Why must we always socialize over food???

I hope you're all doing MUCH better than I am!

103.4

... which I don't think is bad at all, all things considered. It's just that I have to go to a dinner party tonight, and I'll be seeing an old friend with whom I'm EXTREMELY competitive and I hoped to look stunning. But, alas, my digestive woes have taken their toll on both my stomach AND my skin. (Seriously, I look like crap... and my skin feels dry and gross so I FEEL like crap as well.)

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BUT I'm drinking some hot tea right now, so I'm hoping it will help me out AND I've made a few resolves:

1. No more dried fruit until my digestive system is working properly. (Shouldn't be impossible since I finished most of the open bags yesterday... :-/ )
2. Finish the book I started over break- Tammy Wynette: Tragic Country Queen. I really love it so far, but I've been spending all my GD time on the computer, etc. (This will make me feel much less like a failure upon my return to school.)
3. In addition to my prune juice, drink hot tea every morning.
4. Continue my morning sit-ups and stretch every night before bed.

What do you think?

Day 3

Intake- 1250
(-) Burned- 350
Net- 900


I felt a binge coming on after dinner, and frankly, I still don't feel quite out of the woods. All this damn dried fruit... I swear it'll be my undoing! My crampy, bloated undoing...

(Apparently, "crampy" isn't a word. Oops.)

If only my torso could ever look like that... but it's too short and stubby. I need a corset or something.

Anyhow, today was alright and I followed the rules I set for myself, so that's good! And I find that by aiming for 1200 calories, I don't over-eat just because I've been exercising, and if I haven't exercised, I NEED to in order to bring my total down.

If that makes sense. My brain seems to be a bit tired today. From what? I don't know, since the past month has consisted of me watching TV and going on the computer. I SHOULD have been reading. I even brought home books to read...

I guess I just kind of feel like a failure right now. It sounds stupid, but I think it's this morning's weight. I guess I just expected to be less right now (after 2 days of this new eating plan? Seriously?).

I sure do dream big... which in this case is actually SMALL.

I hope you all had/have a wonderful day! :)

103.6

I hopped on and off the scale 5 or 6 times willing this to not be so but, alas, I have GAINED weight.

This had better be a fluke.

I think it is, because my stomach feels squirmy (a great description, right?) and my digestive system seems more screwed up than usual, so maybe I DID get that stomach thing my brother had...

Positive thinking. Positive thinking.

I'm anxious in a way to get back to school, because that's the only place my stomach seems to work these days... and I few like AT LEAST a couple of these pounds are from, erm, unfinished business, so I'm excited to see the number on the scale when they come off!

And I'm planning on going back late next week, so I don't have to wait long, I suppose...

I dislike school at the moment (or the thought of school, really), but I also dislike being a bloated mess.

P.S. Welcome new followers! How are you on this fine day?